Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
