were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
