So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
