you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Come share oat with me in your robe
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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