I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You can't motorboat a personality
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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