Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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