how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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