Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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