Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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