Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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