Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
