Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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