I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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