New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
