Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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