i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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