I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
