So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
