I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
