I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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