why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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