like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
