Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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