so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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