Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
