There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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