Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
