I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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