cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
