I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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