The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
