my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
