Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We're too hungover to prance.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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