I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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