Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
