but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
