i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
