I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
