Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
