she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
