Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
