I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
