this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
