he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh god it's open bar.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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