I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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