worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
