Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
