We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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