I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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