You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
