You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
