youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
