so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
