i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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