I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
