i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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