I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
