You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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