im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
