My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
