I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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