I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
