He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i drank out of a bidet.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
