been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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