i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
