Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize