Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
