I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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