does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
