3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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